Category Archives: Perspectives

Now Determines The Future

 

Now determines the future. Now is the “seat” of tomorrow. Don’t project what happened yesterday into tomorrow. You’ll create more of the same in “what is to come”.

If you want to start fresh, make Now the best you can and see that best going forward into tomorrow. That is the most productive way to correct past mistakes, one moment at a time. And if you slip up or get off track, don’t worry or fear. Just realign yourself in a successful Now and the future will be much brighter and better.

Remember: life is a journey and we are all works in progress!

What Does It Mean To Be Fearless?

The idea of fearlessness invokes all sorts of thoughts from people. Mighty warriors, rebels, living a ruthless life, not allowing people to dictate how you live. Yes, these things may be aspects of being fearless but I think there’s more to it.  Here are some ways in which I believe it means to be fearless:

 Live your life despite your fears.  Let’s face it.  We’re all afraid at some point in time.  No matter how old we are, what we’ve been through or who we are, we still feel fear at least once in a while.  The difference between a fearful and “fearless” person is the ability to continue to live and do what you want despite feeling afraid.  Being able to step out into the world and continue on regardless of fearful emotions (in my opinion) makes you fearless.

Realize there is a greater purpose and unity to everything.  Quantum physics has proven that:  everything we see is made of things we cannot see (atoms and molecules) and that a force (light) is holding them together.  All forms of matter are made from solidified light!  And pretty much everyone knows that God is light and the creator of life.  Albert Einstein discovered that time and space were relative, not absolute.  He was quoted as saying, ” “For us physicists, the distinction between past, present and future is only an illusion.”  (Beliefnet:  How Quantum Physics Proves God’s Existence).  So, it has been scientifically proven that there is a greater force holding everything together that creates the reality we are perceiving.  Pretty awesome, huh?

To know you can always start over and make changes.  Nothing is set in stone except our wrongful mindsets.  We all have the ability to start over.  Perfect case in point:  me.  At the age of two, I began to be molested by family members.  It went on until the age of twelve.  I clung to the belief that I was a “black sheep”.  A “blight” on the planet of life.  Until I realized that I had to change my thought processes or my life would never change.  Once I began to be more positive, my life started getting a little better.  It’s never too late to start over!

To know you are an eternal being.  This life is not all there is.  Though many would like to believe that as truth, it’s not true.  Again, Quantum Physics steps up to explain.  Dr. Robert Lanza developed the theory of biocentrism.  Biocentrism states that life and biology are central to our consciousness (being, reality and the cosmos).  He developed the double-slit test where he has proven that light and matter display characteristics of both waves and particles, depending on the observer’s perception and consciousness.  Why is this important?  Because he has found that “reality is a process that requires our consciousness.”  (Beliefnet:  How Quantum Physics Proves God’s Existence).  Dr. Eben Alexander supports this theory, being a survivor of a near death experience during which he was clinically brain dead from meningitis, making it scientifically impossible for the brain to generate any neurologic activity and brain function.  ‘My journey deep into coma, outside this lowly physical realm and into the loftiest dwelling place of the almighty Creator, revealed the indescribably immense chasm between our human knowledge and the awe-inspiring realm of God.”  He goes on to state, “The brain itself does not produce consciousness.  That it is, instead, a kind of reducing valve or filter, shifting the larger, nonphysical consciousness that we possess in the nonphysical worlds down into a more limited capacity for the duration of our mortal lives.” (Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey Into the Afterlife, 2012).

To embrace love and beauty in life despite the darkness that comes with it.  This world is a learning ground for us all.  And learning involves pain.  Tragedy and trauma are some of the best ways to instill new values and understanding in our mindsets, particularly if we happen to be stubborn people.  Knowing that we are here to learn and grow, we must also accept the pain the learning and growing brings.  Unfortunately, that’s just the way the proverbial cookie crumbles when it comes to life on planet earth.

To understand that everything has an opposite and to be willing to accept that fact.  It takes guts to admit you’re going to die.  It takes guts to admit that bad things happen.  It takes even more guts and willpower to be willing to delve through it.  What could be more fearless?  Light always eventually becomes darkness.  Love many times turns to hate or visa versa.  Lies, truth; life, death.  Polar opposites.  But always elements in life no matter who you are or where you come from.  It’s just a fact of being human.

To understand that love is the ultimate energy that heals.  Researchers have shown that by shifting our emotions, we are changing the electromagnetic field radiated by our hearts.  When we are feeling love, our heart beats out a very loving message.  (Collective Evolution:  Science Proves That Human Consciousness And Our Material World Are Intertwined).  So…depending on how willing we are to give love and receive love, we will reap the benefits of that state of being not only within ourselves but also with those near and far from us.  We also have the ability to affect the physical world with our love energy!

To know that there is balance in life.   Good has a way of balancing out the bad in some way, shape or form.  This also holds true of our consciousness.  Even through the death of a close loved one, if we can gather the courage to see the tragedy from a viewpoint of love, we can find good in the bad.  For example, I’ve buried two children now.  And trust me, I didn’t want to see the good in it at all.  But there was good in it.  My first child taught me to believe in God and the spirit realm.  She showed me its reality.  My second child has taught me to live in love and to be grateful for this life and my experiences because they’re making me a better person.  Plus, she’s shown me that even though we pass from this reality, we graduate to a new one.  We never truly die.  I realize there may be naysayers out there, but I believe completely in what I write about and the spirit realm (paranormal) is one of my biggest topics.  That being said, I believe in balance.  And I even believe in good outweighing the bad…if you allow it.  (All comes full circle to your state of consciousness).

I hope this post has helped you to create some new hopes and reasons for enlightened future possibilities.  May you be blessed and live in blessings!

 

 

It Wasn’t Her

I saw her in the casket, lying peacefully, wearing the animal print dress she had wanted so badly four years before. We had walked around the store and she followed me, crying, wailing uncharacteristically, for me to buy her the dress.

“Why are you acting like this?” I was irritated. I was so irritated, in fact, that I felt like flinging her across the aisles.

“I want this dress!” she wailed.

“You never act this way. You’re a good kid. Calm. Peaceful. The total opposite of your sister. But now? You’re acting like a monster! I already have $400.00 worth of clothes in this cart for you both. I can’t afford any more. These prices are outrageous! This is why I buy everything at Goodwill!” I stared at her, beyond frustrated.

She insisted on getting the dress. Of course, I caved.

My younger daughter was the peaceful one of my two kids. She was the easygoing one. The one who gave loving advice and huge bear hugs. The one who told everyone that everything would be okay.

Now I was staring at her lifeless body, her cold, hard shell lying in a casket lined with pink satin fabric-her favorite color. The body of my beloved child adorned with the animal print dress she had pined over in the store four years ago.

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We were standing in my younger daughter’s room a few days before.   My older daughter held the animal print dress.  “We have to put it on her, mom,” my older daughter insisted through tears and whimpering. “You know how much she loved it.  It’s what she would have wanted.”

“I know.  Do you remember how she freaked out about that dress when I bought it?” I wiped my eyes, wanting to join my younger daughter in her casket.

“Yes.”

We both broke down. It was inconceivable that she had been yanked from us. Our best friend, our confidant, our love.

We carefully picked out jewelry to match.

“She’ll be beautiful,” my older daughter said. “Just like she’d want to be.”

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How will I live without you, Bubby Girl?  I can’t do this.

I went to her, kneeling in front of the casket. I put my hands over hers, placing one of my best rings on her fingers.

You were with me when I picked this out.  My promise ring to God.  Now it’s yours.

I stared at her face.  That beautiful, angelic face with the pouting lower lip.  Her hair had recently been dyed red.  It looked good on her, falling in soft curls around her cheeks and over her shoulders.

I want to be with you.  

I had been through this before.  I knew all about God and spirits, angels and heaven.  I just didn’t want to acknowledge the pain.  It was then that I heard her voice.

“I’m not in that casket mom.  I’m still with you.”

I felt the familiar salty tears fall from my eyes, down my cheeks and into my mouth as I wept.

I know.  I just miss you.  So much.  Every second of every day.

I stared at her, laying my head on the chest of her icy cold body.  I smelled formaldehyde.

“That’s not me anymore, mom.  Remember.  Now I can always be with you.”

In immense pain, I ran my fingers through her hair, hating the smell and the coldness of her body.

You’re right.  It’s not you anymore.  But I still love you and I always will.  You’ll always be my baby.

I stayed with her a while more as the funeral director closed the doors to the people watching behind me.

I love you, Bubby Girl.  Stay with me forever.  Help me to keep writing and show me how to take pictures like you did.

“I will, Mommy.  I promise.”

Never stop calling me Mommy.  I love how you call me that.

“I won’t, Mommy.  Try to be happy.  Because I’m happy now.”

I ran my hands over her fingers, those beautiful curved fingers that I used to hold in mine.  I got up and told the funeral director he could shut the casket.  As he did, I knew that my time with my baby wasn’t over.  It was just beginning.

 

 

What Does It Mean To Be Broken?

Brokenness. What does it mean? To be sad, to fall apart, to mourn, to be unsure of why you’re here? In my opinion, yes and no. People think they are broken when horrible things happen. People also think they’re broken when they have the perspective that they’ve lost in life. My perspective is a little different.

Growing up, I thought I was the definition of broken, which by the way, is “reduced to fragments; ruptured, torn, fractured, out of working order.” (Dictionary.com). When I was two, the abuse began. It continued until I was twelve. I aged thinking that I was “the black sheep”, “the family scapegoat.” Then, in my early twenties, I lost my first living child ten hours after she was born. At that point, I was decimated. But now I realize I still wasn’t broken.

Twenty six years later,  I just buried my second daughter.   I have learned what broken really means. It means your will, your perspective on life, has been crushed into powder. You have no will left. What it means is that all old mindsets have been destroyed and you are forced to create new ones. Broken is BROKEN in every sense of the word. You don’t know who you are anymore, everything that you held as truth is no longer ringing true and you have no preconceived notions to fall back on. You’re in uncharted territory. You’re a babe in a very new, large, scary woods.  You are truly BROKEN.

Brokenness is a state of renewal.  It is the most raw, deeply pained position in existence on this planet.  It is the existence of nothingness.  But nothingness is a place ripe with potential.

When new recruits join the military, they are put through tremendous pressure.  The concept behind it is “breaking the will to form a warrior.”  And, to be honest, the brokenness I’ve been feeling is precisely that..and then some.  There is no way out but UP.  You can’t fall further, you can’t go deeper.  You can only climb up.  And the climb can be exceedingly painful…one tiny step at a time.  Brokenness is a state where you can’t focus on being broken because you’re so far down that if you only think of your brokenness, you WILL quit.  No doubt about it.  You are forced to look up, to turn to the light and to rebuild yourself one moment at a time.  You must relearn, you must form new truths, you must fight to survive by staying positive and reminding yourself that your ego has been destroyed.  An example of the positive side of brokenness?  You are grateful your ego has been destroyed so that you can build a new you from the inside out.  Literally.  If you focus at all on how hard it is, you’re guaranteed to fail…and fail big time.  Why is it a good thing your ego has been destroyed?  Because your ego is a lie.  It’s not who you really are.  And that’s the beginning of a whole new life.

I’m sure many of you can relate to what I’m saying.  I have finally reached my brokenness.  If you have too, you’re not alone.  In your own strange sense of newness of life, embrace it.  It will lead you to ultimate heights if you let it.  After all, it is our deepest desire to prosper.  Brokenness forces us to do it.  And do it big.

What Is Christmas?

Most people, when asked about Christmas, will give answers like: “It’s Jesus’ birthday. A time to spend with family and friends. A time to give gifts and drink and be merry.” Me? Well, I have a much different perspective.

xmas-pic-2-kids-walking

You see, in November of 1990 I buried my first child. After having lost one prior. And then this year I buried another-also in the month of November. I have been molested and abused, had a very rough start in life. I’ve tried to be positive, to set a good example, to be a good person, to do the right thing. Yet the pain in my life persists like a deep affliction. The years have molded me into someone who has paid the high price of great suffering, someone who knows torment and agony. I don’t know why. I don’t pretend to know. I only know the cards I’ve been dealt and it’s been a bad deck.

So when I am asked about Christmas, my answer now will be, “A time to be grateful for what you have. A time to cherish those surrounding you on Christmas eve and Christmas day-and to remember that they don’t belong to you. They belong to God.  Because you never know when everything will change in the snap of a finger.”   And it does. And it will. It is inevitable. This life is not fair and it holds no promises. I never dreamed I’d bury my almost 19 year old daughter a week and a half before her birthday. Only three weeks before Thanksgiving and a month and a half before Christmas. You never know when the reaper must heed his call. So be grateful for everything you have in the given moment because life hold no guarantees.

I can definitely empathize with Mother Mary as she watched Jesus die on the cross. Losing a child is excruciating. Losing two is devastating. Three?  Deplorable.  It changes you forever and you must try with all your might not to become angry and jaded. It helps to know God, to believe in the beauty of Heaven. This Christmas, tell everyone around you that you love them. Even those you disagree with. It may be your last chance. You truly never know.

I leave you with this: Christmas is an attitude of love. Live it every day of your life. Make sure you do so that you have fewer regrets. Love brings out the best in everyone and this world is in desperate need of it. This world is full of suffering.

God Bless. Try to have a Merry Christmas.

You Are My Bridge

 

You are my bridge. My bridge to love and light.

You are my hope. The hope of my destiny.

You are my dream. The dream of success which you carried for me.

You are my safety. The safety of love and acceptance you gave me.

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Remember me. As your mother, the one who cherished you.

Remember me. As your friend who valued your opinion.

Remember me. The broken one who needed your tenderness.

Remember me. The vessel you poured your light into.

 

I miss you. The days of laughter and content.

I adore you. Your sparks of humor and helpfulness.

I remember you. My little angel with a bright future.

I hold tight to you. Your memory of rainbows and sunbeams.

 

I admire you. You lived with a rare condition.

You have great strength. Despite the bullies and false friends.

Though you were different. You were a shining example.

You are an original. Truly one among millions.

 

Your favorite color. Pink like the passionate sunrise.

Your shining eyes. Deep blue like God’s heavens.

Your wavy hair. Red, brown, blonde and gold; a mane of beauty.

Your pouting lower lip. The most beautiful smile of caring.

 

Your creative tendencies. To make art and take pictures.

Your quirky side. To tie tight knots and laugh heartily.

Your passion. To love life despite letdowns.

Your imagination. To know angels and possibilities.

 

You are beautiful. Though you didn’t believe it.

You are precious. Though you couldn’t see it.

You are worthy. Though you didn’t realize it.

You are amazing. Though you felt ordinary.

 

Let me see you. When my heart aches to be with you.

Hold me close. In the times that I’m hurting.

Give me love. Throw your soft arms around me.

Kiss my cheek. So I know you are near me.

 

You are perfect. Fun sized and abundant.

You are tender. Hugging me with your mercy.

You are gentle. Forgiving and helpful.

You are gorgeous. My baby, my angel incarnate.

 

God Bless you Celby. I’ll write for you for the rest of my life. I can’t wait to run into your arms the moment I take my last breath here on earth. Wait for me. Meet me and bring me home.

 

Death

death-poem-picture-by-diamante-lavendar

You think life is forever,
At least that’s how it seems;
Death is just a shadow
In your deepest, darkest dreams.

We don’t want to admit it,
Or dwell upon the pain,
But death is waiting for us
In its own destined time frame.

Death will come and take you
No matter what you say;
Your time to leave’s appointed
In your designated way.

So don’t try to deny it
Or refuse to believe it’s true;
Live your life with purpose
Until death comes for you.

-Diamante Lavendar

Flowers For My Baby

flowers-for-kelby-with-diamante-lavendar-written-on-it

I miss you. Tell me you’re okay.

Since I found you encompassed

Two weeks prior

In the gruesome sorrow of death’s embrace.

 

I never thought

That once again

I’d bury my hopes

With another child;

 

Life with you

Was fun and vibrant,

Full of feeling,

Loving, wild;

 

I know you’d want me

To be tough-

To continue on

Life’s lumbering pace;

 

To focus on living,

To cherish your memory,

To center myself on love,

Not hate.

 

Though I don’t understand

What happened that night

When the reaper came

To the call of fate,

 

I know you’d want me

To persevere,

To feel your love

From Heaven’s gates.

 

I am broken,

I am wrenched,

My aching soul

Screams your name;

 

But somehow I know

When I’m old

I’ll be in your happy

Presence again.

 

Life’s not fair,

Life’s a test

Of wading through fear,

Sorrow and blame;

 

Show me your mercy,

Send me your trust,

That we’ll be reunited

In Heaven again.

 

 -Love Mommy<3

What Is Responsibility?

When we think of responsibility, we tend to think of being reliable and doing our jobs well. Whatever it is that we do from day to day, the perception of doing it well is seen as responsibility. Also the concept of showing up when needed, being there for others and taking good care of what we’ve been given in life. But is that it? Or is there more to being responsible?

This is a topic I’ve thought about for years.  The average person considers responsibility to be a consideration only within their personal realm or space.  But what about reaching beyond your comfort zone?  Here are some other ways I’ve found responsibility to be key and essential in life.

Being a good example when no one is watching.  When you see someone drop a wallet on the street, would you pick it up and bring it to them?  That is an important aspect of social responsibility.  If we want this world to resonate on a higher level of consciousness, we are responsible to be good even when nobody notices.  Doing this passes kindness along and increases a personal level of social responsibility among ourselves and others.

Doing the right thing without expecting a reward.  Something as simple as picking garbage up off the street makes you a more responsible person.  Instead of walking past wrappers and other things tossed out of car windows and thrown over shoulders, you can choose to take it upon yourself to clean up and brighten the world around you.  Even if it’s never acknowledged, you know you did the right thing.  This will increase your personal consciousness and self esteem which always ends up rubbing off on others you know.  Even if you don’t purposely try to make them aware of your beliefs.  And when others see how responsible you are, it will motivate them to be more responsible!  (At least some of them!)

society-picture-diamante-lavendar

Being fair and extending a helping hand.  We all have moments and situations come up where we have the opportunity to help another person out who may have the possibility of hurting us.  Sometimes being a responsible person is offering a hand up with no assurance of it turning out well.  At times, it’s good to give another person the benefit of the doubt.  And if it ends up biting you in the end?  Well, at least you tried.  I’m not saying to be a doormat and allow people to walk all over you.  What I am suggesting is when you are able, knowing that if the situation would fall flat, you are still willing to take a chance, take it!  Sometimes these are the best moments in life:  moments that can not only change you but the people you’re walking out on a limb for as well.  Actions like this not only increase your personal responsibility level and your self esteem but also the personal responsibility levels and self esteem levels of those who you’ve given the chance to.  When out of nowhere if you decide to trust someone and it goes well, it’s a very beautiful thing!

Doing your part to remedy societal issues.  Society has a sad way of “passing the buck” too many times.  “Oh, they’ll take care of that,”  or “I don’t know much about that.  Let someone else deal with it,”  or “I just don’t have the energy.  It’s a losing battle anyway,”  are all excuses created to keep us from feeling responsible.  But the reality is, we can all do something with the resources we have, even if it’s something small.  It really doesn’t take much to donate a coat to a shelter or to provide a bag of groceries to someone who’s hurting.  Maybe even secretly leave Christmas gifts on a needy familys’ doorstep or fill a bag with a few essentials from a dollar store to donate to a charity.  There are ways of filling in the gap with the resources we’ve been given.  If we’d all do our part, we could create huge waves of responsibility to ripple through our communities.

Take care of our planet.  Our children inherit this planet from us.  What we do to it, they’ll have to deal with.  Why give them more pain and heartache?  Take an interest in healing this world on a physical level.  Learn more about solar and wind energy, begin to grow gardens in our yards or stop using pesticides on our lawns.  There are numerous efficient chemical free ways of dealing with issues like this.  Why spray more harmful things into the atmosphere for our children and grandchildren to breathe?  Why kill off more animals and plants and eat GMO foods that are riddled with hurtful carcinogens?  There is no good point to these types of things. And engaging in harmful behaviors only makes things worse and worse.  It’s time to start paying attention and go back to healing this planet before the domino effect of pain becomes too great for us to conquer!

Rise above destructive thought processes.  If we all close our eyes to the hurtful things going on, who is going to make it better?  We need to increase our awareness….our level of responsibility…and understand that we each have a piece in this puzzle.  If we pass all of the responsibility on to our neighbor, our friend, our senator, our president, how can we expect anything to really change?  Yes, our elected officials can make changes but nothing compared to a global realization that we can all make a difference.  Even the poorest of us!  We can grow gardens, we can stop using pesticides, we can share with our friends and plant trees and spread kindness.  There are literally thousands of things we can all do.  No matter what our socioeconomic level or level of education.  We need to pull together to make amends!

Responsibility is a way of life.  It’s a process of thinking that we need to commit to.  Responsibility doesn’t just happen.  It’s cultivated.  And if we begin to cultivate it into the younger generations, just imagine the changes it could bring!

You Can’t Have One Without The Other

There is an unfortunate tendency in our society to focus on social class and egoism. While I completely understand the differences and needs of particular social classes and the importance of individualism, when it comes to our society working together for good these tendencies cause problems.

In the study of society, or sociology, differences in society are categorized as class, race, gender and geographic location. These differences affect how people can access resources and opportunities. (Reference: What are social divisions?)

Social divisions stem from the idea that society is separated into the powerful and powerless. Those in lower socioeconomic classes have fewer opportunities for things like education, health care and employment. Those in higher socioeconomic classes have an abundance of pretty much everything. (Reference:  What are social divisions?)  For far too long, our society has valued the upper socioeconomic classes such as doctors and lawyers and undervalued the lower socioeconomic classes such as fast food workers and janitors. But the truth of the matter is, we can’t have one without the other.

celebration-by-diamante

(Celebration by Diamante Lavendar)

It is an inconceivable notion that some people are more important than others in a society that hopes to accomplish its very best in the given moment.  Yes, doctors and lawyers are important. But if society valued all walks of people more, perhaps lawyers and doctors would be in lesser demand because there would be less fighting and stress!  Who would clean the rooms and hallways of the hospitals if everyone were a doctor? Who would prepare gourmet or classic meals, create beautiful pieces of art to appreciate or music to calm the senses?  Who would make sure the factories worked correctly and that we had safe water, pipes, heat, electricity, running vehicles and amusement parks to occupy ourselves?  It takes all of us to create a happy whole.

Democracy is defined as “a system of government by the whole population through elected representatives”. (Dictionary.com).  Are we truly being aptly represented by our officials?  Everyone matters.  Every life is important.  It is a travesty and a shame when some are deemed more useful than others.  Even in the Bible it says, “There is one body, but it has many parts.  But all its many parts make up one body…..if all parts were the same, how could there be a body?”  (1 Cor. 12:12 and 19).

We all matter.  Our lives matter. Our souls matter.  Our means of living matter.  When we are each contributing positively to the value of the whole, who can truly say one is more important or meaningful than the other?  Deep down, we all need the same things and crave the same things.  I believe it’s time to value the parts of society contributing to the sum of our society’s parts.  Even Aristotle said,  “Mathematically, the whole is equal to the sum of its parts, neither more nor less.” Then psychological Gestalt theory took it a step further, stating that “The parts, when working together, are able to achieve an outcome superior to one or two people working alone.”   (PubMed.gov:  The whole is more than the sum of its parts:  Aristotle, metaphysical).

I know Aristotle was onto something but I believe the Gestalt theory summed it up beautifully. If everyone worked together in harmony and synchrony, wow, what an amazing society this would be!