Why Abuse Is So Hard To Heal From

In my books I speak about abuse I suffered as a child. I don't go into detail but I do explain how much abuse hurts. And how wonderful it is to heal and be able to move on. One of the reasons why I wrote these books, which are entitled Breaking The Silence and Poetry and Ponderings, is because abuse is such a difficult thing to recover from. Why? Because it is a taboo subject. Back when I was victimized, people just didn't talk about it. Especially sexual abuse. Victims of abuse feel as though they can't tell anyone. Not only because the perpetrators threaten them but also because it's not a topic you can just talk to anybody about. That's why I'm grateful that in recent years it has been looked upon in a more open way. Victims are beginning to share more about these types of things, which is a powerful step not only for them but for society as a whole.

Another reason that I wrote my books is because victims feel alone and helpless. When somebody invades your personal space, you are threatened on a level that can't be described in any way but terrorizing and dehumanizing. When I was victimized, I was terrified of those who had their way with me. I was a child and I felt like I had nowhere to turn. It is extremely difficult to have someone not only invade your space and body but also your mind. All of those factors go into many forms of abuse. Victims are victimized on such deep, personal levels that they feel 'boxed in' and unable to defend themselves. Particularly when those victims are children.

Victims also have a reaction that is defined as 'learned helplessness'. They feel like they've been ostracised so they continue operating and living in vicious cycles instead of hoping to break free. That is why victims need a voice. Especially children. It is so difficult to make a child understand that what is going on is not their fault. They take on the blame and shame and hold it inside themselves, growing up with a warped mindset that they're lesser people because of what happened to them.

I am so grateful for places like RAINN. It is becoming more accepted to talk about abuse and victimization. This is what we need for people to heal and understand that not only is what happened NOT their fault but also that they have the right to seek happiness and have hope to be able to heal from the trauma. It is only with a societal mindset of understanding and openness that abused people will be able to adopt the fact that they are worthwhile and what happened to them does not define them. Before anyone can heal, they must first accept what they've experienced and realize they have the right just the same as anyone else to find peace and freedom.

Breaking The Silence Won Another Award!

I am deeply honored to say that now my book Breaking The Silence is a winner of six awards! All for Inspirational Fiction! This most recent award is the Gold Medal for Inspirational Fiction from Reader's Favorite!

I am so grateful especially since this book is one of the pain regarding the things I've dealt with in life.  It hasn't been easy to say the least.  But it gives me great joy to know that I can help others recover from tragedy and trauma with this award winning book.  And a gift of meaning in life to know that even crushing pain can bring gain not only to myself but also to others-the reason why I wrote this book in the first place.

If you know anyone who's been in hardship and agony, please tell them about Breaking The Silence.  If they need help in finding hope and recovery, this book will definitely be what they need!

Interview With Joan, From Breaking The Silence

Interviewer: Hi, Joan. Thanks for agreeing to do an interview. Why don't you give me a background of your story?Joan: Breaking The Silence is my personal story. It is the story of my life and what happened to me. I agreed to have Diamante write Breaking The Silence in an attempt to help others who have gone through the same abuse and problems that I have.

Interviewer: How are you hoping that telling your story will help others? Joan: Well, people that have been molested and sexually abused usually feel alone, like no one else can understand their situation. I wanted my story to help them realize that they aren't alone. And to help them know that they can heal no matter how severe their abuse was.

Interviewer: Is it possible for someone to heal completely if they have been sexually abused? Joan: Yes, healing is possible. It is a long process. it definitely takes time. And it takes understanding. That is why people need to hear my story. To know someone understands and has felt the pain they are feeling. It will give them hope that they can and will get better.

Interviewer: Have you completely healed? Joan: When you say completely, do you mean to ask if I never think of what happened to me any more?

Interviewer: I mean have you been able to move on successfully without your past haunting you any more? Joan: What happened to me will always haunt me. I'll never forget it. But I have come to terms with it and I realize there are good days and bad days, but the bad days don't last forever. I have hope that better days will come again.

Interviewer: So people who have been sexually abused will never forget? What can you tell them that will give them hope? Joan: I can tell them that the pain will lessen year by year as they deal with their abuse and the issues it has caused in their lives. I can also tell them that the days will get better more frequently as time goes on....they will reach a point where they may not think of what happened to them for six months before they have a flashback. And then when they do, it won't last long at all. It is possible to be happy. I mean, nobody's life is perfect.

Interviewer: How have you healed over the years? Joan: By my belief in God, by going to counseling for years, by believing in myself more and by believing in the possibility of my dreams coming true.

Interviewer: In closing, what advice would you give to someone who has experienced sexual abuse? Joan: I would tell them to read my book, to get in touch with a good counselor and to find a group they could join to meet others who have been through what they've been through. It is critical to have hope and to know that others have made it through that type of trauma. And I would tell them they are never alone. And they aren't damaged. They can absolutely heal and have a wonderful life if they are willing to face their demons. As I call it, they can become mighty overcomers!

Interviewer: Thank you, Joan, for sharing your story and for being willing to help others. I wish you great luck with all of your endeavors and I hope your book helps many people to become 'mighty overcomers'!