Waiting On God

Waiting is hard to do. It requires a great deal of faith and patience. In our humanity, we want things to work out in a certain time frame, particularly if we’ve been waiting for something for a long time. Learning to wait patiently is a virtue. And learning to wait in faith without seeing an answer for a long time is also a virtue.

Throughout my life, I’ve wondered why certain things have happened. It has required great faith and dedication to my spiritual walk to be able to come to terms with a lot of those things. Hardship has brought me to my knees and has brought anger and pain to the surface of my life. It has seemed to me that the more difficult the circumstance that I’ve encountered, the more it has taught me, albeit unwillingly much of the time. But I have learned to believe and come to know that whatever is divinely ordered will someday be made right, and will bring me into a deeper understanding of God and the purpose he has for me. It’s been extremely difficult, sometimes more than what I thought I could bear.

The last few years have been indescribable for all of us. There has been so much pain and anguish that it is almost unbelievable. Yet it is happening around us every day. Questions of why will haunt us. Images we see bring pain to us. How do we survive these types of things? By believing that someday we will understand, and by knowing that someday we will find peace on the other side of these problems. It is of little comfort when we try to reason things out ourselves. Trusting in a larger perspective and understanding will open us up to higher truth and meaning. Knowing that “this too shall pass” gives us the hope that one day we will recover and be able to move on.

If you are suffering, please find refuge in the fact that you are loved and cherished. Try not to take things that hurt you to your core in such a way that you will never be able to mend or recover. You have great meaning and value. Your life matters as do the lives of your family and friends. If we could only spread a spirit of kindness and compassion amongst ourselves, we could make this world a better and more palatable place to live and survive in. Pain begets more pain and is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Love and light are a choice, particularly in the face of destruction, anger, and demise.

When my children passed away, I didn’t think I could survive it. I struggled for years in grief, anger, and desperation. I finally came to the conclusion that the only way I could live was to make the decision to be of help to others and to bring good from the horribly bad things that had nearly destroyed me. We need to find a way to continue on, to persevere, and not give up. Procreating purpose and good is a wonderful way to achieve that goal.

I sincerely hope that I can help you decide to continue living within the parameters of hope and meaning. It’s extremely difficult at times but worth it when you come to the other side of your pain. Being an overcomer is a beautiful thing, particularly when you are able to help others be and do the same!

The art piece that I’m sharing below is an illustration of that process. I hope it inspires you and encourages you! It is true that we need to be the change we want to see in the world. Start the chain of hope today by being a light in the darkness!

Becoming by Diamante Lavendar, available here.

The Benefits Of Tears

Do you ever wonder why we cry? So often we believe that tears are a sign of weakness. Have you ever been told that you’re a “crybaby”? Unfortunately our society devalues tears. However, tears are actually cleansing. If you’ve been through trauma, tears are a good thing. They help us purge negative emotions and thoughts. Tears need to be felt, released and then understood. Tears can be a misguiding influence at times if we feel the pain, cry and continue to be stuck in it. But if we feel the pain, cry and learn from it tears are a beautiful thing.

It is actually a sign of strength to show weakness. It is so easy to hide from hardship instead of having the approach of learning from it. When times get down and dirty, like death, divorce or financial distress, it can be so easy to get mad and want to get even. It takes great strength to feel the pain, learn from it and move on. I can almost hear you asking, “How do you move on when someone dies?” My answer: you learn from the situation, decide to be grateful for what you had and make the most out of your future to honor that situation.

When my children passed, I wanted to be angry. And I was for quite a while. But then I knew that I had to find good in the heartbreak and use that wisdom to move forward in becoming a better person any way that I felt I was being led to do so. And out of their loss came my books and my art. It was an outlet for me to not only help myself but to also help others who have experienced the same types of things head on. And when I was reeling from the effects of being abused and molested, I knew I had to find a way to make some good come out of all the agony and negativity. That was another reason why I wrote my books, talking about my life and healing journey to help myself and others. Gut wrenching pain like that needs to be acknowledged. And the journey of healing needs to be shared so that others affected by the strain and pain of difficulty can know that there is hope for better days to come.

This life isn’t easy. For anyone. Some go through more than others but the struggle of pain is universal. When we understand why we cry and why God gave us tears in the first place, we know that He wants us to learn from hardship the truth of His reality. He’s in the healing business. He’s in the business of growth and understanding. When we experience trouble,. we gain wisdom and insight not only into ourselves and others but also life in general. This world is a place to stretch and expand into a more loving, creative version of ourselves in His image. And with His depth of character and wisdom, the most effective way I have learned was through the pain I suffered. Fun is great and success is amazing but we can’t be “well rounded” beings without understanding both the valleys and the mountains. I believe God gave us tears, in His great mercy, to empower us to withstand those lessons. So if you’re having a particularly difficult time processing your pain, try the stance of being grateful for your tears. That in itself is an empowering lesson!

“Why Did You Leave Me?” available here.

Don't Take It Personally

Everybody has good days and bad days. Sometimes we have bad months or years. It is at these times that we need to remember not to take hardship personally.

We'd all love to believe that life will be good for the most part. Many times we don't want to admit that life can be horrible and that difficulty can plague us for long periods of time. But I believe it is better to realize and admit that life can be harsh. Why? Because being realistic helps us to handle pain better. If we continue to look at life through rose colored glasses, hardships can shatter us to the core. When we see life in realistic circumstances we no longer need to pretend that everything should be perfect. We realize perfection is an unattainable and frustrating goal.

No matter who we are or what we do, there will always be people who don't empathize. And there will eventually be unforeseen circumstances that will come to call. A healthy attitude accepts those truths. When we learn not to take life personally, we will be much more balanced mentally, spiritually and physically.

For example, those of you who know my story know that I have lost several children. After my first child passed away, I felt I had been betrayed by spirit. I was angry and hurt. Bitterness grew inside me like bushes of thorns. I couldn't believe spirit would do something so heinous. I wrestled with guilt, pain and remorse for years upon years. Eventually I came to a place of acceptance. Though it was hard, I realized that there are no laws in life which prevent pain and anguish from striking. And striking hard. In fact, I came to understand that disasters happen. I found my way through only to lose another child twenty years later. When my second child passed, I wanted to give up. I thought I had failed in some way. But I came to understand that life was never promised to be perfect. In fact, the only promise we have in life is that we are born, we live to the best of our abilities in the days were are given and then we leave. I don't believe in death. I believe what we call death is simply a transformation similar to a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis. I learned not to take it personally.

Maturation means growing up. Not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. Through the turmoil I've dealt with during my lifetime, I've come to the conclusion that we are here to learn lessons and to improve our responses to those lessons, however harsh they may be. I consider our time on planet earth as a classroom. The bigger the lesson, the more blessed the experience will make things for us beyond our time here. We aren't here to have fun, laugh and party 24/7. Sometimes, yes. Other times, no. We are here to learn more important things such as patience, love, redemption, forgiveness and compassion. If we are able to transform our scars into art forms upon our souls, we have succeeded in our time here. We have succeeded in learning depth, character and making beauty from the ashes that plague us.

If you are hurting or you know someone who is, inspire them to find hope and truth in the midst of their trauma. With compassion and understanding, they will arise from the ashes of their situation stronger, wiser and knowing not to take hardship personally.

Make Lemonade

Learning how to make lemonade from life's lemons is a test. It is hard, it takes grit and determination. It is not for the faint hearted. When I think of the tragedies people have experienced while on this earth it hurts and it humbles me. I myself have suffered deeply. So I can empathize with the pain that others experience. I have come to believe that the strongest warriors are those that are able to make sweet lemonade from the hardships of life. Through death, divorce, illness, mental pain, and other agonies, the people who rise up and stand tall and true are the heroes of life. I call them the peaceful warriors. Those able to cry freely in the face of angst and oppression. My hat is off to all of you. You are a mentor to me. I pray I may also be a mentor to others as I suffer the travails of having been abused, buried several children and dealt with other hardships. Life can be agony. But at the end of the day when we are reunited with our loved ones in heaven, we will finally be at peace. Namaste. Ride the winds of life with mercy, grace and understanding. You will be rewarded in the end.