It Wasn't Her

I saw her in the casket, lying peacefully, wearing the animal print dress she had wanted so badly four years before. We had walked around the store and she followed me, crying, wailing uncharacteristically, for me to buy her the dress. "Why are you acting like this?" I was irritated. I was so irritated, in fact, that I felt like flinging her across the aisles.

"I want this dress!" she wailed.

"You never act this way. You're a good kid. Calm. Peaceful. The total opposite of your sister. But now? You're acting like a monster! I already have $400.00 worth of clothes in this cart for you both. I can't afford any more. These prices are outrageous! This is why I buy everything at Goodwill!" I stared at her, beyond frustrated.

She insisted on getting the dress. Of course, I caved.

My younger daughter was the peaceful one of my two kids. She was the easygoing one. The one who gave loving advice and huge bear hugs. The one who told everyone that everything would be okay.

Now I was staring at her lifeless body, her cold, hard shell lying in a casket lined with pink satin fabric-her favorite color. The body of my beloved child adorned with the animal print dress she had pined over in the store four years ago.

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We were standing in my younger daughter’s room a few days before.   My older daughter held the animal print dress.  “We have to put it on her, mom,” my older daughter insisted through tears and whimpering. “You know how much she loved it.  It’s what she would have wanted.”

“I know.  Do you remember how she freaked out about that dress when I bought it?” I wiped my eyes, wanting to join my younger daughter in her casket.

"Yes."

We both broke down. It was inconceivable that she had been yanked from us. Our best friend, our confidant, our love.

We carefully picked out jewelry to match.

"She'll be beautiful," my older daughter said. "Just like she'd want to be."

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How will I live without you, Bubby Girl?  I can't do this.

I went to her, kneeling in front of the casket. I put my hands over hers, placing one of my best rings on her fingers.

You were with me when I picked this out.  My promise ring to God.  Now it's yours.

I stared at her face.  That beautiful, angelic face with the pouting lower lip.  Her hair had recently been dyed red.  It looked good on her, falling in soft curls around her cheeks and over her shoulders.

I want to be with you.  

I had been through this before.  I knew all about God and spirits, angels and heaven.  I just didn't want to acknowledge the pain.  It was then that I heard her voice.

"I'm not in that casket mom.  I'm still with you."

I felt the familiar salty tears fall from my eyes, down my cheeks and into my mouth as I wept.

I know.  I just miss you.  So much.  Every second of every day.

I stared at her, laying my head on the chest of her icy cold body.  I smelled formaldehyde.

"That's not me anymore, mom.  Remember.  Now I can always be with you."

In immense pain, I ran my fingers through her hair, hating the smell and the coldness of her body.

You're right.  It's not you anymore.  But I still love you and I always will.  You'll always be my baby.

I stayed with her a while more as the funeral director closed the doors to the people watching behind me.

I love you, Bubby Girl.  Stay with me forever.  Help me to keep writing and show me how to take pictures like you did.

"I will, Mommy.  I promise."

Never stop calling me Mommy.  I love how you call me that.

"I won't, Mommy.  Try to be happy.  Because I'm happy now."

I ran my hands over her fingers, those beautiful curved fingers that I used to hold in mine.  I got up and told the funeral director he could shut the casket.  As he did, I knew that my time with my baby wasn't over.  It was just beginning.

What Does It Mean To Be Broken?

Brokenness. What does it mean? To be sad, to fall apart, to mourn, to be unsure of why you're here? In my opinion, yes and no. People think they are broken when horrible things happen. People also think they're broken when they have the perspective that they've lost in life. My perspective is a little different.

Growing up, I thought I was the definition of broken, which by the way, is "reduced to fragments; ruptured, torn, fractured, out of working order." (Dictionary.com). When I was two, the abuse began. It continued until I was twelve. I aged thinking that I was "the black sheep", "the family scapegoat." Then, in my early twenties, I lost my first living child ten hours after she was born. At that point, I was decimated. But now I realize I still wasn't broken.

Twenty six years later,  I just buried my second daughter.   I have learned what broken really means. It means your will, your perspective on life, has been crushed into powder. You have no will left. What it means is that all old mindsets have been destroyed and you are forced to create new ones. Broken is BROKEN in every sense of the word. You don't know who you are anymore, everything that you held as truth is no longer ringing true and you have no preconceived notions to fall back on. You're in uncharted territory. You're a babe in a very new, large, scary woods.  You are truly BROKEN.

Brokenness is a state of renewal.  It is the most raw, deeply pained position in existence on this planet.  It is the existence of nothingness.  But nothingness is a place ripe with potential.

When new recruits join the military, they are put through tremendous pressure.  The concept behind it is "breaking the will to form a warrior."  And, to be honest, the brokenness I've been feeling is precisely that..and then some.  There is no way out but UP.  You can't fall further, you can't go deeper.  You can only climb up.  And the climb can be exceedingly painful...one tiny step at a time.  Brokenness is a state where you can't focus on being broken because you're so far down that if you only think of your brokenness, you WILL quit.  No doubt about it.  You are forced to look up, to turn to the light and to rebuild yourself one moment at a time.  You must relearn, you must form new truths, you must fight to survive by staying positive and reminding yourself that your ego has been destroyed.  An example of the positive side of brokenness?  You are grateful your ego has been destroyed so that you can build a new you from the inside out.  Literally.  If you focus at all on how hard it is, you're guaranteed to fail...and fail big time.  Why is it a good thing your ego has been destroyed?  Because your ego is a lie.  It's not who you really are.  And that's the beginning of a whole new life.

I'm sure many of you can relate to what I'm saying.  I have finally reached my brokenness.  If you have too, you're not alone.  In your own strange sense of newness of life, embrace it.  It will lead you to ultimate heights if you let it.  After all, it is our deepest desire to prosper.  Brokenness forces us to do it.  And do it big.

What Is Christmas?

Most people, when asked about Christmas, will give answers like: "It's Jesus' birthday. A time to spend with family and friends. A time to give gifts and drink and be merry." Me? Well, I have a much different perspective.

You see, in November of 1990 I buried my first child. After having lost one prior. And then this year I buried another-also in the month of November. I have been molested and abused, had a very rough start in life. I've tried to be positive, to set a good example, to be a good person, to do the right thing. Yet the pain in my life persists like a deep affliction. The years have molded me into someone who has paid the high price of great suffering, someone who knows torment and agony. I don't know why. I don't pretend to know. I only know the cards I've been dealt and it's been a bad deck.

So when I am asked about Christmas, my answer now will be, "A time to be grateful for what you have. A time to cherish those surrounding you on Christmas eve and Christmas day-and to remember that they don't belong to you. They belong to God.  Because you never know when everything will change in the snap of a finger."   And it does. And it will. It is inevitable. This life is not fair and it holds no promises. I never dreamed I'd bury my almost 19 year old daughter a week and a half before her birthday. Only three weeks before Thanksgiving and a month and a half before Christmas. You never know when the reaper must heed his call. So be grateful for everything you have in the given moment because life hold no guarantees.

I can definitely empathize with Mother Mary as she watched Jesus die on the cross. Losing a child is excruciating. Losing two is devastating. Three?  Deplorable.  It changes you forever and you must try with all your might not to become angry and jaded. It helps to know God, to believe in the beauty of Heaven. This Christmas, tell everyone around you that you love them. Even those you disagree with. It may be your last chance. You truly never know.

I leave you with this: Christmas is an attitude of love. Live it every day of your life. Make sure you do so that you have fewer regrets. Love brings out the best in everyone and this world is in desperate need of it. This world is full of suffering.

God Bless. Try to have a Merry Christmas.

You Are My Bridge

You are my bridge. My bridge to love and light.

You are my hope. The hope of my destiny.

You are my dream. The dream of success which you carried for me.

You are my safety. The safety of love and acceptance you gave me.

Remember me. As your mother, the one who cherished you.

Remember me. As your friend who valued your opinion.

Remember me. The broken one who needed your tenderness.

Remember me. The vessel you poured your light into.

I miss you. The days of laughter and content.

I adore you. Your sparks of humor and helpfulness.

I remember you. My little angel with a bright future.

I hold tight to you. Your memory of rainbows and sunbeams.

I admire you. You lived with a rare condition.

You have great strength. Despite the bullies and false friends.

Though you were different. You were a shining example.

You are an original. Truly one among millions.

Your favorite color. Pink like the passionate sunrise.

Your shining eyes. Deep blue like God's heavens.

Your wavy hair. Red, brown, blonde and gold; a mane of beauty.

Your pouting lower lip. The most beautiful smile of caring.

Your creative tendencies. To make art and take pictures.

Your quirky side. To tie tight knots and laugh heartily.

Your passion. To love life despite letdowns.

Your imagination. To know angels and possibilities.

You are beautiful. Though you didn't believe it.

You are precious. Though you couldn't see it.

You are worthy. Though you didn't realize it.

You are amazing. Though you felt ordinary.

Let me see you. When my heart aches to be with you.

Hold me close. In the times that I'm hurting.

Give me love. Throw your soft arms around me.

Kiss my cheek. So I know you are near me.

You are perfect. Fun sized and abundant.

You are tender. Hugging me with your mercy.

You are gentle. Forgiving and helpful.

You are gorgeous. My baby, my angel incarnate.

God Bless you Celby. I'll write for you for the rest of my life. I can't wait to run into your arms the moment I take my last breath here on earth. Wait for me. Meet me and bring me home.

Death

You think life is forever, At least that's how it seems; Death is just a shadow In your deepest, darkest dreams.

We don't want to admit it, Or dwell upon the pain, But death is waiting for us In its own destined time frame.

Death will come and take you No matter what you say; Your time to leave's appointed In your designated way.

So don't try to deny it Or refuse to believe it's true; Live your life with purpose Until death comes for you.

-Diamante Lavendar

Flowers For My Baby

I miss you. Tell me you're okay.

Since I found you encompassed

Two weeks prior

In the gruesome sorrow of death's embrace.

I never thought

That once again

I'd bury my hopes

With another child;

Life with you

Was fun and vibrant,

Full of feeling,

Loving, wild;

I know you'd want me

To be tough-

To continue on

Life's lumbering pace;

To focus on living,

To cherish your memory,

To center myself on love,

Not hate.

Though I don't understand

What happened that night

When the reaper came

To the call of fate,

I know you'd want me

To persevere,

To feel your love

From Heaven's gates.

I am broken,

I am wrenched,

My aching soul

Screams your name;

But somehow I know

When I'm old

I'll be in your happy

Presence again.

Life's not fair,

Life's a test

Of wading through fear,

Sorrow and blame;

Show me your mercy,

Send me your trust,

That we'll be reunited

In Heaven again.

 -Love Mommy<3

What Is Responsibility?

When we think of responsibility, we tend to think of being reliable and doing our jobs well. Whatever it is that we do from day to day, the perception of doing it well is seen as responsibility. Also the concept of showing up when needed, being there for others and taking good care of what we've been given in life. But is that it? Or is there more to being responsible?

This is a topic I've thought about for years.  The average person considers responsibility to be a consideration only within their personal realm or space.  But what about reaching beyond your comfort zone?  Here are some other ways I've found responsibility to be key and essential in life.

Being a good example when no one is watching.  When you see someone drop a wallet on the street, would you pick it up and bring it to them?  That is an important aspect of social responsibility.  If we want this world to resonate on a higher level of consciousness, we are responsible to be good even when nobody notices.  Doing this passes kindness along and increases a personal level of social responsibility among ourselves and others.

Doing the right thing without expecting a reward.  Something as simple as picking garbage up off the street makes you a more responsible person.  Instead of walking past wrappers and other things tossed out of car windows and thrown over shoulders, you can choose to take it upon yourself to clean up and brighten the world around you.  Even if it's never acknowledged, you know you did the right thing.  This will increase your personal consciousness and self esteem which always ends up rubbing off on others you know.  Even if you don't purposely try to make them aware of your beliefs.  And when others see how responsible you are, it will motivate them to be more responsible!  (At least some of them!)

Being fair and extending a helping hand.  We all have moments and situations come up where we have the opportunity to help another person out who may have the possibility of hurting us.  Sometimes being a responsible person is offering a hand up with no assurance of it turning out well.  At times, it's good to give another person the benefit of the doubt.  And if it ends up biting you in the end?  Well, at least you tried.  I'm not saying to be a doormat and allow people to walk all over you.  What I am suggesting is when you are able, knowing that if the situation would fall flat, you are still willing to take a chance, take it!  Sometimes these are the best moments in life:  moments that can not only change you but the people you're walking out on a limb for as well.  Actions like this not only increase your personal responsibility level and your self esteem but also the personal responsibility levels and self esteem levels of those who you've given the chance to.  When out of nowhere if you decide to trust someone and it goes well, it's a very beautiful thing!

Doing your part to remedy societal issues.  Society has a sad way of "passing the buck" too many times.  "Oh, they'll take care of that,"  or "I don't know much about that.  Let someone else deal with it,"  or "I just don't have the energy.  It's a losing battle anyway,"  are all excuses created to keep us from feeling responsible.  But the reality is, we can all do something with the resources we have, even if it's something small.  It really doesn't take much to donate a coat to a shelter or to provide a bag of groceries to someone who's hurting.  Maybe even secretly leave Christmas gifts on a needy familys' doorstep or fill a bag with a few essentials from a dollar store to donate to a charity.  There are ways of filling in the gap with the resources we've been given.  If we'd all do our part, we could create huge waves of responsibility to ripple through our communities.

Take care of our planet.  Our children inherit this planet from us.  What we do to it, they'll have to deal with.  Why give them more pain and heartache?  Take an interest in healing this world on a physical level.  Learn more about solar and wind energy, begin to grow gardens in our yards or stop using pesticides on our lawns.  There are numerous efficient chemical free ways of dealing with issues like this.  Why spray more harmful things into the atmosphere for our children and grandchildren to breathe?  Why kill off more animals and plants and eat GMO foods that are riddled with hurtful carcinogens?  There is no good point to these types of things. And engaging in harmful behaviors only makes things worse and worse.  It's time to start paying attention and go back to healing this planet before the domino effect of pain becomes too great for us to conquer!

Rise above destructive thought processes.  If we all close our eyes to the hurtful things going on, who is going to make it better?  We need to increase our awareness....our level of responsibility...and understand that we each have a piece in this puzzle.  If we pass all of the responsibility on to our neighbor, our friend, our senator, our president, how can we expect anything to really change?  Yes, our elected officials can make changes but nothing compared to a global realization that we can all make a difference.  Even the poorest of us!  We can grow gardens, we can stop using pesticides, we can share with our friends and plant trees and spread kindness.  There are literally thousands of things we can all do.  No matter what our socioeconomic level or level of education.  We need to pull together to make amends!

Responsibility is a way of life.  It's a process of thinking that we need to commit to.  Responsibility doesn't just happen.  It's cultivated.  And if we begin to cultivate it into the younger generations, just imagine the changes it could bring!

You Can't Have One Without The Other

There is an unfortunate tendency in our society to focus on social class and egoism. While I completely understand the differences and needs of particular social classes and the importance of individualism, when it comes to our society working together for good these tendencies cause problems.

In the study of society, or sociology, differences in society are categorized as class, race, gender and geographic location. These differences affect how people can access resources and opportunities. (Reference: What are social divisions?)

Social divisions stem from the idea that society is separated into the powerful and powerless. Those in lower socioeconomic classes have fewer opportunities for things like education, health care and employment. Those in higher socioeconomic classes have an abundance of pretty much everything. (Reference:  What are social divisions?)  For far too long, our society has valued the upper socioeconomic classes such as doctors and lawyers and undervalued the lower socioeconomic classes such as fast food workers and janitors. But the truth of the matter is, we can't have one without the other.

(Celebration by Diamante Lavendar)

It is an inconceivable notion that some people are more important than others in a society that hopes to accomplish its very best in the given moment.  Yes, doctors and lawyers are important. But if society valued all walks of people more, perhaps lawyers and doctors would be in lesser demand because there would be less fighting and stress!  Who would clean the rooms and hallways of the hospitals if everyone were a doctor? Who would prepare gourmet or classic meals, create beautiful pieces of art to appreciate or music to calm the senses?  Who would make sure the factories worked correctly and that we had safe water, pipes, heat, electricity, running vehicles and amusement parks to occupy ourselves?  It takes all of us to create a happy whole.

Democracy is defined as "a system of government by the whole population through elected representatives". (Dictionary.com).  Are we truly being aptly represented by our officials?  Everyone matters.  Every life is important.  It is a travesty and a shame when some are deemed more useful than others.  Even in the Bible it says, "There is one body, but it has many parts.  But all its many parts make up one body.....if all parts were the same, how could there be a body?"  (1 Cor. 12:12 and 19).

We all matter.  Our lives matter. Our souls matter.  Our means of living matter.  When we are each contributing positively to the value of the whole, who can truly say one is more important or meaningful than the other?  Deep down, we all need the same things and crave the same things.  I believe it's time to value the parts of society contributing to the sum of our society's parts.  Even Aristotle said,  "Mathematically, the whole is equal to the sum of its parts, neither more nor less." Then psychological Gestalt theory took it a step further, stating that "The parts, when working together, are able to achieve an outcome superior to one or two people working alone."   (PubMed.gov:  The whole is more than the sum of its parts:  Aristotle, metaphysical).

I know Aristotle was onto something but I believe the Gestalt theory summed it up beautifully. If everyone worked together in harmony and synchrony, wow, what an amazing society this would be!

How Can Love Bring Healing Into Relationships?

A focus on hate in society can be debilitating. Many believe that to stand up for what is right, an argumentative attitude is necessary. Unfortunately, argumentative attitudes only further complicate things. Many mistakenly decide that force may be required to change minds. But like Martin Luther King, Gandhi and other humanists have realized, hate only begets more hate.

In order to find some type of middle ground or resolution, love must be brought into the equation on some level. Why? Following are some great reasons!

1.  Love increases compassion and empathy.  Compassion is defined as "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune". (Dictionary.com).  When people enter into conflict with a sense of compassion, they feel the pain of their adversary.  It makes them realize how they would feel if they were in their adversary's shoes.  Compassion is essential in bringing about change during times of conflict.  Likewise, empathy, "the psychological identification with feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another" (Dictionary.com) is also essential in bringing about change.  Until we can understand what someone else is going through on a personal level, we truly don't know why change needs to take place.

2.  Love promotes more discussions and less arguments.  How many times have you tried to "get down to business" when anger is coloring your perspective?  Anger is like a flame that burns anyone who gets too close.  Anger is a natural facilitator of arguments.  It is nearly impossible to be objective when the flames of anger are burning bright.  Love, on the other hand, makes us more capable of being objective, thus facilitating more discussions.  And it is possible to have discussions without anger being involved.  It's perfectly okay to agree to disagree-and much healthier than fighting, too!

3.  Love helps us to identify with an adversary's perspective.  When we are able to identify with another human being on the level of humanity itself, anger is automatically driven to the background.  When we realize that we are all essentially searching for the same things on the level of being human, we experience unity and forgiveness.  Unity and forgiveness are critical in bringing about essential, peaceful changes.

4.  Love creates an atmosphere of acceptance.  When the kindness and compassion of love enter any picture, an atmosphere of acceptance is cultivated.  This is a widely understood topic even by giants in the movie industry (like Disney) with thousands of movies being centered around the topic.  Even children's movies (one of my favorites entitled Brave)  speak of not only accepting others but also accepting ourselves....a beautiful mindset with a ton of benefit!

5.  Love reduces pride.  Now don't get me wrong...pride in itself is not a bad thing...unless it is allowed to become the predominating mindset.  An inflated sense of pride causes us to believe that others owe us something.  Some synonyms of pride are conceit, egotism, vanity and vainglory.  (Dictionary.com).  How many times have you tried to reason with someone that is convinced they are overly important and you owe them the world?  It is darned near impossible to reason with people like that.  What is the outcome of vanity and an inflated self concept?  Argument!  And usually arguments with those types of personalities don't turn out very well!

6.  Love increases a sense of value and worth among people.  Let's look at the definition of love.  Perhaps I should have earlier, but the definition proves this point.  Love is "a feeling of warm, personal attachment or deep affection as for a parent, child or friend."  (Dictionary.com). Love is easy when it comes to those closest to us.  It comes naturally.  But when you're talking about your enemy, it can be much trickier.  Love with strangers and acquaintances is a decision, a life style you choose to lead.  It is responding with dignity to someone who you may not necessarily agree with.

I created a quote a while back that said "Lay down your weapons; embrace and be one; Forgiveness will reign when the battle is done."  I got some backlash about this one!  But my meaning behind it was "Treat others with respect, as you would like to be treated.  Only then can you mend broken mindsets and societal patterns."

How can we expect to find peace among the dissension when we aren't even willing to lay our differences aside?  It's impossible.  It will never happen until we make the decision to live with more loving attitudes!

7.  Love increases understanding.  When someone comes to you with a request, you must have a sense of understanding about what they're talking about!  Love cultivates a sense of understanding.  That "aha" moment when we realize what someone else is going through makes all the difference in the world when it comes to us accepting them and being more loving.  Love breaks down barriers, arguments and all forms of hate and prejudice because it allows the beautiful knowledge of understanding to emanate among the souls of those discussing different scenarios and situations!  Understanding definitely diffuses arguments!

8.  Love promotes respect.  The nature of love is the nature of respect.  And the nature of respect requires that respect be given in order for it to be received.  When you respect someone, you care!  You listen, you lend a hand, you really want to make a difference!  That's what love is all about!  It is impossible to say you love someone or want to make things better for them and yourself without experiencing some form of respect.  Respect is a precursor for the kind of caring that meaningful change requires.

9.  Love promotes hope and possibility.  With hate, there is little to no hope involved.  There is pain, anguish and agony.  With love?  Well, there is the hope of a better future because people are willing to discuss problems and understand each  other's situations!  Hate leads to discouragement.  Hope leads to enlightenment!

10.  Love promotes a sense of responsibility.  Hate?  Well, it creates an environment where people feel helpless.  They become despondent and stoop to lower types of emotions and interactions such as apathy, anger and resentment.  Love creates a sense that everyone can make a difference.  When we each believe we can make a difference, our sense of personal responsibility rises.  So what's better for our society?  Helplessness or an increase in caring and personal responsibility?  I think that one is pretty self explanatory!

The truth is we can make a difference.  Each and every one of us.  Even if we only influence one other person for the better, think of the ripple effect that can have on an entire society?  And the reality is, most of us are able to affect more than one other person.  Many of us are able to affect hundreds of people throughout our lives depending on where we work, where we live, who we associate with, where we go, etc.  Love is a powerful force for more reasons than those I just listed above.  If we all make the choice to embrace it, what a beautiful world this would be!

You're Much More Special Than You Think!

Are you aware of the numerous things that make you, you? What would your answer be if I asked you what makes you special? Some of you may look toward the ground and say, "Not much. My fingerprints, I guess." Others may exuberantly proclaim, "Everything about me!" Who's right? Let's explore the topic further!

For those of us with a "Pollyanna perspective", we'd happily exclaim,  "Why, it's my personality and the way I look!  Also the way I think and my unique traits like my fingerprints!"  Crazy thing is, these optimists are correct...and then some.  Not only is our appearance something that sets us apart, but there are other things that do too.

If your argument is "we're all human and we're all alike", you're correct.  But we're all also different and that's the beauty of life.  We are all truly unique.  Not only because of the above reasons but also because of several more.  First, our DNA:  the most important reality of this blog post.  Obviously DNA reigns supreme when it comes to pulling us apart at the seams, quite literally.  DNA evidence obliterated everything when it came to crime scene investigation and litigation.

But what else is there?  Well, our tongues for one.  Because our tongues are kept safely in our mouth (or not so safely, depending on what we talk about), our unique tongue prints are kept intact.  How would that work though, when asking for prints?  Could be a bit challenging....

Then there are our ear lobes.  Instruments have been created to illuminate our earlobes to help in identifying us.  And it's pretty conclusive.  Strange, eh?  I remember my grandmother being obsessed about earlobes....she was obviously onto something....

Many of us probably know about our retinol capillary patterns being individually unique.  Such is the reason for eye scanning equipment in high security areas.  But what about our irises?  Also very unique to each individual because "the color and structure is genetically linked, but the details of the pattern are not".  Hmmm....this gives more meaning to "looking deep into your loved ones' eyes".....

What about how you walk?  Have you ever given thought to the way your body moves?  Well, that's another way to determine individuality!  Not just your legs but your entire body, how you sway and put pressure on your feet, etc.  Makes me wonder about those of us who trip or fall off balance....can that be studied, too?  (Just a joke to make you smile!  Watch out for that rock...!)

Our voices and lip prints are also unique markers of who we are.  I don't know about you, but I can just imagine a police station:  someone comes in and is asked to be lip printed.  I  don't think that would be a fun scenario for the officers on duty.  Do you?  Could make for an interesting day, though.  :)

Judge:  Step forward, please.  I understand you are being held for theft?

Defendant:  Yes, your Honor.

Judge:  Would you care to share your side of the story?

Defendant:  Yes, your Honor.  I walked into the store, leaned against the glass case and left my finger prints.  Then I saw something... an amazing watch in the case.... and looked more closely, accidentally brushing my lips against the glass.  Stunned, I stood up and found myself staring directly into the eyes of the clerk.  As she asked me if she could help me, I cut my finger on the edge of the glass case.  She gave me some kleenex and I wrapped it around my finger, thanking her profusely.  Then she showed me the watch.  I put it on my wrist, starting to walk back and forth in front of a nearby mirror to admire how it shined against my skin.  I tripped over a chair near the mirror and the watch fell off my wrist, landing on the floor and shattering.  I freaked out, went back to the case where the clerk stood with her mouth agape, and offered to pay for the watch.  Flustered, I paid her and then began walking out of the store.  Without thinking, I grabbed a scarf and dabbed my forehead then shoved it in my back pocket.  Immediately, upon leaving the store, I was apprehended.

(This person is doomed!  Not only because of all the evidence left behind, but also because of the security cameras!)  There.  Hope I made you laugh at least a little.  So this has not only been an informative post which I think I could safely call 'Interesting', but also 'Humorous'.  Where will I post it?  Probably 'Interesting'.  But I digress....

As for the point of this post, you are unique for so many ways that it would be pretty much impossible to deny it.  And there are so many intriguing things about you that make you unique that you must admit, there's got to be an overall purpose to this!  So enjoy being you and know that nobody out there can fill your shoes-scientifically or from a humanitarian standpoint. Namaste!

References (Quite Seriously):

Quora:  What Things Are Unique To A Person Besides A Fingerprint?

Medical Daily:  Special Snowflake:  4 Things (Other Than Your Fingerprints) That Make You 1 In 7.2 Billion

What Does Falling In Love Do To Us?

Everyone loves the feeling of being in love. But what does love do to us? To answer that question, I've done some research! First of all, the feeling of love is caused by chemicals in our bodies. Dopamine, vasopressin and cortisol flow in large quantities through our brain, making us feel that "high, fluttery feeling" when we're around the person of our desire. So, technically, love is a drug!  Or maybe better said, love itself is an influencer of bodily (hormonal) drug activity!  (Thought Catalog:  19 Scientifically Proven Ways "Love" Affects Our Bodies Like A Drug.)

You may say, wait!  Cortisol?  I thought that was a stress hormone!  Well, it is.  But...cortisol is also responsible for many good things in body function as well such as controlling blood sugar levels, regulating metabolism and reducing inflammation.  It assists with memory and helps fetuses grown in women during pregnancy.  (That is, if you're still in the lovey dovey phase! (Hormone Health Network:  What Does Cortisol Do?)

Many times people say they feel different when they get involved with a new lover/relationship. And in a way they're onto something.  The hormones present in your body when you're in love create feelings similar to those of people with manic depression.  It is almost as if you could conquer the world.  As if life is different, vibrant and new.     (Thought Catalog:  19 Scientifically Proven Ways "Love" Affects Our Bodies Like A Drug.)

For these reasons, love is a good thing.  But, if we get dumped or break up with our lover, the opposite can happen.  When we are rejected, pain centers in our brain light up when we look at a picture of our ex.  We also can experience having a broken heart ( a real condition called stress induced cardiomyopathy) which has the very extreme and rare possibility of killing its victim.  (Thought Catalog:  19 Scientifically Proven Ways "Love" Affects Our Bodies Like A Drug.)

"Broken heart syndrome" can strike even if you're healthy.   Luckily, though, it isn't common.  The symptoms of stress induced cardiomyopathy are almost identical to those of a heart attack.  It is unknown how many people actually die from this condition but there are eleven documented cases in which Johnny Cash was one of them.  (Thought Catalog:  11 Documented Cases Of People Actually Dying Of A Broken Heart).

Love can heal and it can hurt.  It is my opinion that we are better for having loved because it expands us and enlightens us in our daily existence of being human.  Though the pain can be pronounced, the positive effects are worth the extra effort!

I Think I Can!

Have you ever heard someone tell you to be more positive? Have you been told to try to achieve a more positive attitude? I know I have. Years ago when I was younger I had a horrible attitude. I was negative and felt like nothing would ever go right. My life was rough and it took its toll on me mentally and physically.

But I have changed my attitude. And I'm writing this blog to tell you why you should try to be more positive. There are numerous wonderful reasons for changing your perspective from "I know I can't" to "I think I can"!

Reason #1: It has been said that a positive attitude will increase your life span. Guess what? It has been proven! People with a positive attitude generally live 7 1/2 years longer than people with a negative attitude. What a great incentive right there!

Reason #2: People with a positive attitude have less stress. Not because life sends less stress their way, but because they choose to perceive it in a different manner than negative people. Positive people do what they can to change things and accept what they can't change. They actively participate in life and this gives them a happier perspective.

Reason #3: Positive people deal with hardships more effectively because they realize "this too, shall pass." They know that hardship doesn't last forever and they take little steps each day to bring something positive into their lives during times of hardship. They know how to cope more effectively until better days come by taking responsibility to make good things happen while they are burdened by suffering. Positive people focus on good not bad.

Reason #4:  Positive people have a reduced risk of heart disease!  Stress takes a toll on the heart.  Therefore, less stress equals less heart problems.  Having an attitude of gratitude keeps diseases at bay.

Reason #5:  Positive people have an increased immune system.  As I mentioned above, an upbeat attitude lowers your risk of disease.  Happier people get sick less...even with the common cold!  Happier people produce more antibodies than unhappy people.  They also produce more serotonin-a chemical in the brain-which decreases depression and increases a feeling of well being.

Reason #6:  Positive people age more slowly.  During studies, it was found that positive people stayed mobile and thought more, engaging in frequent tasks that increased memory and body function.  Because they had a "can do" attitude, their bodies responded with "I think I can"!

Like the Little Engine That Could, so are we.  Much is left to our mental state.  If we choose to be positive, we reap the rewards that a positive life brings.  I'd rather have those rewards than sitting around expecting the worst...and getting it!

Resources:

Mayo Clinic:  Healthy Lifestyle:  Stress Management.

Science:  How Stuff Works:  Is There A Link Between Exercise And Happiness?

Scientific American:  How Happiness Boosts The Immune System.

Live Science:  Happier People Keep Healthier As They Age.

The Huffington Post:  Do Positive People Live Longer?

Birthdays

Birthdays are a special time. We are so used to celebrating with cake, friends and family that we usually don't think much past that. But birthdays are so much more. Here is a video I created entitled What Is A Birthday? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg6EVoQ7RcI

Birthdays are a special day because they mark the beginning of our existence.  They are a reminder of how long we've been walking this earth.  Why not take a birthday to another level by making it a "new birth" point for the future?

Think of your dreams and goals.  Your plans.  What have you always wanted to be?  To do?  Why not make a resolution on your birthday to make those things happen?  Reflect on how far you've come then make a pact with yourself to go even farther toward your destiny!  What a wonderful "extra" way to celebrate each year when your birthday rolls around again!

If you know anyone who's having a birthday soon, pass this along!  Maybe they'll be inspired to give it a try!

Hardships Are Stepping Stones To Better Things

Nobody likes hardship. Not only does it put a "kink" in our plans, but it hurts. As human beings, we want to shy away from pain. But hardships are a part of life that we must accept because they'll never go away. Here are some reasons to embrace hardship:

Hardship strengthens our spirits. Although hardship is grueling, it creates resolve in us. It paves the way for our determination to increase. After going through a tough situation, we become more empowered and want even more to accomplish those goals that might have seemed much more difficult to reach before we endured the pressure of hardship. It makes us just a little more resolved to face life with determination.

Hardship makes us appreciate good things more. After going through a spell of extreme discomfort, even the small things seem much more meaningful. For example, even in a situation where your car is in the shop for a week, once you get it back you'll be so much happier that you have a means of transportation. And the bigger the hardship, the greater the appreciation after it's all over.

Hardships give us wisdom.  Think back ten years.  Think about what you've gone through to get to where you are today.  You've got to admit...you've learned a lot!  You're so much wiser for the things you've been through that you can see your hardships as stepping stones to your dreams!

Hardships help us endure.  After you've been through the wringer, you'll have a tendency to say, "I got through that.  I can get through this."  When you get through one trial, you'll have more faith that you'll get through the next one.  It's a matter of learning that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  As the saying goes, "this too shall pass."

Hardships are a way to communicate with others.  We are more empathetic towards other people's pain after enduring hardship.  We relate to each other and are able to be more helpful toward each other after enduring difficult things.

Hardships help to give us freedom.  Many times hardships have to do with things we fear.  After going through the problem, we become a little less fearful.  Like the Little Engine That Could, so are we when we walk through the fire and come out a little freer from our pain and fear.  That's a beautiful stepping stone to future success and happiness!

Next time life gets rough, remember:  you'll learn a lot and be happier once you graduate from the test.  You'll be stronger, wiser, more determined, more empathetic and appreciative!  All perfect ways to be more successful in the future!

In Order To Be Successful You Have To Be Reliable

So many times we dream about things we could do or be, only to give in too easily to despair and hardships on our journey. If we really want to succeed, we need to remain reliable to our dreams and ourselves through the good times and bad. Setbacks happen to everyone making success seem like smoke on the horizon...something we think we see but we're unsure of how to go about achieving it. Or we know how to achieve it and stumbling blocks shorten and delay our stamina. To succeed, we must keep our dreams just ahead of us and continue to strive, to be reliable!

We hear overnight success stories and they do happen from time to time.  More often though, we have to work tediously and slave for our dreams to become a reality.  I am reminded of the saying "nothing in this world worth having comes easy."  The seemingly overnight success stories often are built on a platform of hard work behind the scenes.  Even the singer who wins the reality show has spent years perfecting his/her voice.  Overnight success is rare.  Very rare.

Never give up.  Unreliability and irresponsibility will kill a dream every time.  Believe in yourself and know you can achieve whatever you believe you can.  Then, if you persevere, chances are you will succeed...if you don't give up.

And never be afraid to lend someone else a helping hand.  You never know when the favor will come full circle to bless you in the end!

Finding Peace

Deep down in the heart of every person is the desire to be at peace. The beauty of peace is an innate craving. We try and try to find things that will give us peace. True peace can only be found in God.

The world says that we'll be at peace when we achieve this or that or when we win this or that. That type of satisfaction is temporary. No matter how many mountains we climb, how many things we achieve, how many dollars we make, it will not bring us lasting peace.

Peace is an experience devoid of anxiety; an experience of fulfillment without reason. What do we have to do to find true peace? In reality, the only thing we can do is connect with our Source...the one who created us to begin with. We crave a relationship with God. That's why we try to find true love in another fallible human being. The only "true" love that exists is the love of the one who made us. The reason being? None of us is perfect. We all fall short and let each other down sooner or later. So how can peace exist in such an environment?

It can't hinge on our surroundings. Our surroundings are always changing. They're unpredictable, unreliable. Peace can't thrive in such a state. Peace depends on the solidity of faith and a power much greater than reason; hence, a state of being which will supercede our everyday existence. Peace is a quandary for the seeker. It can seem like a state that doesn't really exist. But if you look in the right place, you'll find it.

It's a spiritual undertaking: a quest. And when you finally enter its beautiful state of rest, you'll never be the same. People have found it and learned to treasure it more than their everyday life experiences. The truly beautiful aspect of peace comes when you learn to cultivate your everyday life into its wonderful concept. When you're truly living "peace on earth and goodwill toward men", what could possibly be better?

From my viewpoint, not much!

Living In Love Doesn't Mean Being A Doormat!

To revere peace and love, we are told to live in love and have a good attitude. That is a wonderful way to live but we also need to know our boundaries in that type of lifestyle.

Too many times we think that living in love means to allow others to walk all over us...to be a doormat. In reality, it means to have a loving attitude and to help out any way we can...with limits.

Once the relationship becomes abusive or we are being used for the benefit of others, there is no shame in walking away.  In fact, walking away is setting a healthy boundary for us to continue to be loving people.  The key is:  walking away with a good attitude.  In order to do this, we must walk away before our anger is ignited because we have allowed others to use us in our process of trying to be loving, caring people.

So....once your good has worn out its welcome in a situation (as it very commonly does)...walk away!  And don't feel bad about doing it!  Because you will soon find yourself facing another situation where your love is needed to be passed along.  And if you allow yourself to be used, you will be too weary to continue on your journey.

Take care and God Bless!

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Pain Is An Activist

Are you someone who has felt a great amount of pain during your life? Are you in pain right now? I'm talking about every type of pain that exists: mental, physical, spiritual and every other type of pain that you can name.

As a species in general, we try to shy away from pain. I do it as much as the next guy. Let's face it. Pain sucks. No matter what you're experiencing, it's tough to see any good in it at all. But the truth is there IS good in pain. It just takes a lot of guts to acknowledge it.

I just recently saw a post stating that "we are continually faced with great opportunities disguised as insolvable problems" (AmpLIFEied.com).  What a way to look at it!  Our insolvable problems...the ones we can't seem to figure out that keep us on a hamster's treadmill are our great opportunities...WOW!  If you tell the wrong person about this philosophy, you could end up with a harsh slap to the face!  But is it true?  I believe it is.

As someone who has been faced with thousands of seemingly unsolvable problems, I'm a first hand witness to the emotional throwback of such a statement.  When we've been through a million and one things, the last thought on our mind is, "Oh, great!  Another wonderful opportunity wrapped up in anguish!  Yay!"  When in reality, it is a great opportunity...to GROW into a better person.

Is it really worth the pain?  In the end, yes.  But during the daily fight of turmoil and angst it can almost drive you to insanity.  You have to keep holding onto the hope that some time it will bring blessings beyond comprehension.  But in the meantime, check that temper!  Continually let go of that anxiety!  Growth is never easy but it always brings us to more peaceful understandings of our lives and situations.  Isn't that what life is about?  To learn as you move through your experiences?

As you examine your current condition, whether it be mental, physical, spiritual or some other type of angst, look at what seems unsolvable.  The truth is, there is always a solution but sometimes we fail to see it or we don't want to see it.  What ending will the solution bring?  Does it add to your life or take away from it?  Many times the process of taking away adds bigger things down the line.  Do you have the guts to walk through the fire?  To deal with the cards that you've been dealt?  Bad things happen to good people.  It's true.  You have no choice in the matter.  But you do have a choice as to how you will respond to tragedy.

Keep the faith.  Hold onto hope.  You'll make it through and some day you'll be a better person for your pain.  I know it's tough, but don't ever give up the fight!  Even if it's debilitating, it will cause you to grow in ways you've never imagined.

Life Is Short. Live It Well!

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw87X_wQWow

Each of us thinks that we have all the time in the world to do what we want to with our lives. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. The clock of time is constantly ticking, urging us forward second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. The days have a way of turning into months and the months have a way of turning into years. Soon we are left wondering about where all our time went...if we're lucky enough to have that much time.

Each of us has a purpose to find and fulfill. Sometimes (many times), that purpose can take years to figure out. So make the most of the time you have. Try not to engage in worry or hatred, fear or torment to the best of your ability. These things only steal more of your time. And if you are forced to deal with these things as most of us are, take wisdom away from the experience so that they can enrich the process of finding your purpose. You only have one life to live. Live it well!

Learning How To Heal

When I was afflicted by the pain and torment of my past, it seemed like I would never be able to heal. For years I wondered if healing was even possible. It seemed like a mountain that I couldn't climb...as if my pain was too great to even fathom the ability to overcome it.

Had I known that healing truly was possible, I would have had more hope.  My faith was low, my hope even lower.  I asked numerous people who knew of my circumstance if I could ever come out victorious from my situation.  The most hopeful response I received was  "maybe."

When you're in the depths of despair for years, surrounded by very few people who are supportive, "maybe" isn't a good answer.  The word "maybe" caused my despair to deepen.  But by the magic of God's healing, I eventually overcame my situation.

This is a video I created about what I learned regarding healing.  It's not as elusive as it seems. In fact, it is possible to heal from the type of trauma I endured.  If you're in a period of suffering, please take a moment to watch my video.  And know that you, too, can achieve happiness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSTodkF-c0o